Preparing for Your First Visit to a Sex Club

​Visiting a sex club for the first time can be an exciting yet daunting experience. The sounds, the sights, the noise, the people! Whether you’re curious about exploring your sexuality, looking to meet like-minded individuals, or simply seeking a new adventure, preparation is key to ensuring a positive experience for your first sex club visit. Our blog will guide you through the essentials you ought to know – like club guidelines and rules, consent, safe sex and emotional readiness. Let’s dive in!

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Understanding Club Guidelines

Before stepping into a sex club, you should familiarize familiarizing yourself with its specific rules and guidelines, which are designed to ensure the safety and comfort of all participants. 

• Dress Code:  have a clothing optional guideline, but they usually encourage you to dress to your comfort. Lockers available for you to store belongings and change. 

• Behavioral Expectations: respectful behavior. Remember to adhere to consent and ask permission before engaging with others.

• Photography Policies: prohibit photography to protect the privacy of participants. Respect these rules to create a safe environment for everyone.

If you don’t obey these rules, you’ll be asked to leave and your first visit may become your last.

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Consent is Sexy!

Consent is paramount in any sexual encounter, and it’s especially vital in a setting like a sex club. Familiarize yourself with different consent frameworks, such as RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) and SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual).

• RACK emphasizes that all parties involved are aware of the risks associated with their activities and consent to them. This framework encourages open communication about desires and boundaries, acknowledging that you may not always be able to be 100% safe but can create a safer experience for Kink or BDSM.

• SSC focuses on ensuring that all activities are safe, sane, and consensual, promoting a respectful environment where everyone feels comfortable.

Before engaging in any activity, you should have clear, open discussions about what you and your partner(s) are comfortable with. Always remember that consent can be revoked at any time, and it’s crucial to respect the boundaries set by others. Consent is sexy!

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The Importance of Safe Sex

Engaging in sexual activities at a club can increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections. To prioritize your health and the health of others, consider the following safe sex practices:

• Get Regular Tests: Before attending a sex club, ensure you’re up to date with STI screenings. Regular testing is necessary for sexually active individuals, especially in environments where multiple partners are involved.

• Use Protection: Always carry condoms and dental dams to protect against STIs. Discuss protection methods with your partner(s) before engaging in sexual activities.

• Educate Yourself: Familiarize yourself with the types of STIs and their symptoms. Understanding these can help you recognize any potential issues early.

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Emotional Reactions and Triggers

Visiting the club can elicit a wide range of emotions, from excitement and pleasure to anxiety and discomfort. Learn to be aware of your emotional state and recognize potential triggers that may arise during or after a scene.

• Communicate: Before engaging in any activities, discuss your emotional boundaries and any triggers with your partner(s). Open communication can help create a supportive and safe environment for everyone involved.

• Check-In with Yourself: After your experience, take time to reflect on your feelings. It’s normal to experience a mix of emotions, and acknowledging them can help you find support and comfort yourself.

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How to Behave in Swingers Clubs

So, you're curious about the swinging lifestyle, huh? Trust me, I get it. The allure, the excitement, the questions—it's all part of the journey. But as a newbie, before you jump in, there's some important rules you should be aware of to make the experience enjoyable for everyone involved. From one woman who's been there, done that, and bought the upside down pineapple embroidered T-shirt to another, let me give you the lowdown on the etiquette. Here are our 8 essential rules of swinging – what you need to know to dive into this fascinating world smoothly and confidently.

 

Rule #1, Communication in the Swinging Lifestyle is Key

Before diving into the swinging lifestyle, you can't stress enough how important communication is. Couples always discuss boundaries and expectations before a swingers party or before meeting another couple. But the conversation doesn't stop there. We’ve established safe words that we can use to communicate if something’s amiss. During the evening, we’ll often check in with each other to confirm we're both comfortable with the couple and level of play. And the debrief on the ride home? Priceless. It's our post-game analysis, where we share what worked, what didn't, and what moments made us laugh.

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Rule #2, Your 'No' Means No

Consent, consent, consent! If there's one universal rule in swinging, it's that 'no means no.' Saying no should be respected, no questions asked. But consent isn't just about the spoken word; it also involves observing non-verbal cues. Just because the atmosphere is heating up doesn't mean the next step is a given. Whether it's a nod, a smile, or a clear verbal agreement, explicit consent is a must in all situations. So always ask, and be vigilant in watching for both verbal and non-verbal signs of approval or disapproval.

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Rule #3, Dress to Impress

Dressing to impress takes on a whole new meaning in the swinging lifestyle, especially for those crucial first "dates" or chemistry checks. This isn't the time for sweatpants, darlings. You want to wear something that's true to who you are, but also dial up the sexiness a notch. If you're meeting at a bar, think chic and sleek. Coffee shop? Casual but polished. And if the night has potential to turn into more, having some amazing lingerie as a second layer never hurts. Trust me, first impressions matter, and what you wear can say a lot about your confidence and how you view the lifestyle. So choose wisely!

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Rule #4, Pace Yourselves

Ladies, let's be real; we often hold the cards when it comes to the pace of the evening and the level of play. It's not uncommon for people to go on a few 'dates' before progressing to full-on play. And when the heavy play starts, ease into it. When Jake and I first started, we took our time. Remember, keep your expectations in check. You don't have to fulfill every fantasy in one night. Or, if you've been fantasizing about a specific scenario, you might be disappointed to learn that sex position you thought would be really hot is actually very uncomfortable. So best advice, go with the flow and just let it be.

 

Rule #5, Know the Swinger Lingo

Understanding the jargon used within the swinging community can go a long way in making your experience smoother. Terms like "soft swap," "full swap," and "the lifestyle" might sound like a foreign language now, but trust me, they'll become second nature as you dive deeper.

 

Rule #6, Don't Overshare with Other Couples

Maintaining privacy is essential. Some folks go by aliases and that's perfectly fine. Don't take it personally; everyone's got a life outside "the lifestyle." We don’t know the last names of many couples we’ve been with. And if they do happen to share, keep it very private and don’t cross any privacy boundaries. One couple we know tagged a couple they just met in a picture on their Facebook page, without their permission. Even though the image was innocuous, it wasn’t cool.

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Rule #7, Keep it Safe

Let's get real for a second. The fun should never come at the expense of safety. I can't speak for everyone, but Jake and I are non-negotiable on using condoms. Most couples we've met in the lifestyle are on the same page about this. It's not just about preventing unwanted pregnancies; it's also about protecting against STIs. Honestly, nothing puts a damper on the fun like worrying about your health later. So, wrap it up and keep it safe. In our eyes, safety is always sexy and a top priority.

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Rule #8, Booze Balance 

Look, we all know a little liquid courage can work wonders for breaking down inhibitions and feeling more relaxed, but there's a fine line between loosened up and sloppy. Trust me, no one wants to swap with someone who's had one too many. So let's keep it classy, maybe a drink or two to set the mood. Got a special bottle of wine you've been saving? This might be the perfect occasion to uncork it. Just remember: moderation is key.

 

Final Thoughts on the Rules of Swinging

So there you have it—your go-to guide for diving into the world of swinging with both style and substance. Trust me, the journey can be as fulfilling as it is thrilling. With transparent communication, a healthy respect for boundaries, and that ever-important dash of adventurous spirit, you're setting yourself up for an experience that could very well change your life—or at least make your weekends a lot more interesting.

While you're out there exploring, it's essential to remember the golden rule: be authentically you. This lifestyle is about enhancing your experiences, not losing yourself in them. Whether you're at a sultry soirée or a low-key meet-and-greet, your unique personality is your most appealing asset. Make sure it shines through.

Don't just skim the surface; dig deep and find what makes you tick. Whether you're a full-swap veteran or a soft swap newbie, the lifestyle can offer something for everyone as long as you're respectful and committed to mutual enjoyment. And hey, even if you decide it's not for you, you'll have given yourself the gift of self-discovery.

So venture forth, be open, be honest, and above all, be your fabulous self. After all, it's your journey—why not make it unforgettable?

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How To Stay Safe At Sex Clubs And Parties

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A good sex party is the absolute epitome of excitement. You’re all dressed up, meeting new people, and strategizing with your partner to arrange thrilling, intimate experiences that you will always remember.

We have well-organized parties with safe spaces to let yourself go and indulge your hidden desires, kinks, or fantasies. I strongly feel that the excitement to risk ratio actually pales in comparison to other physical hobbies, such as mountaineering, skiing, or even international travel.

However, just because you are in a well-vetted community that highly values consent and has an array of safety protocols in place, consent violations and miscommunications unfortunately can — and do — occasionally happen. Even in the best erotic communities creepers can sometimes slip through the cracks, intentions can be misunderstood or miscommunicated, and unexpected things can happen which could potentially lead to a compromising situation. 

The following is a list of things that you can do to keep yourself and those around you safe at sex clubs and parties.

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Go with a partner / friend

For some people, being a part of the sex-positive / swing / kink community is a big secret that they don’t want anyone else in their lives to know about. While for others, going alone and sexually engaging with a room full of strangers is part of the excitement.

So we don’t want to discourage people from going to sex parties alone. However, going with someone who can watch out for you, that you can check in with, or who could potentially spare you from making a poor choice is a major step towards staying safe and having an experience that you don’t regret.

This isn’t only a safety thing but we feel that having someone to experience this with also adds to the fun.

If you don’t have or want a regular partner, finding a sex club friend — either intimate or platonic — could be clutch. There are plenty of people on Feeld who would love to have a friend to go to clubs and parties with. 

  

Communicate

This is the big one.

When at sex parties be sure that you communicate clearly and in no uncertain terms. If you want something, say yes. If you don’t want something, say no. If you don’t want something anymore, say stop.

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Get comfortable with saying no

Practice it.

Get good at it.

It’s more challenging that you may think.

It is common for people to speak in a passive, roundabout way when turning someone down in the muggle world. This may be polite and effective when declining to donate to some save the world organization but it doesn’t fly at the sex club. While the saying goes, “If it’s not a fuck yeah it’s a hell no,” don’t take it for granted that other people are just going to know what you want, so be sure to fully communicate your nos … and if you’re not sure, it’s a no — you can always think about it and change your mind later.

Turning down someone’s offer to play may feel rude, but it’s just a part of the game when out at sex parties. Sometimes you will turn down other people, sometimes they will turn you down. If you can’t deal with rejection then a sex club isn’t the place for you.

Now, this doesn’t mean that you should be rude. Declining an offer to play doesn’t mean that you need to be cold. A simple, “Thank you for asking, I’m very flattered but I’m not really feeling it” does the job. Or redirects, such as “I’m not really into playing together right now, but would you like to grab a drink and talk instead?” works as well.

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How to communicate before and during play

While so much of communication in the vanilla realm is non-verbal, that simply doesn’t fly in the kink world. So use your words.

If you would like to play with someone, ask them. But saying something like, “I think we’re going to start playing soon, by any chance would you like to join?” (preferably to someone that you’ve already broken the ice with) is a good way to get things going.

After you get a clear yes, the communication doesn’t end there. Usually, there will then be a little meeting where everyone who is about to play together discusses their STI status and when the last time they were tested was, condom usage preferences, what things they want to do sexually and what they enjoy, what things they don’t like, if there are any body parts are off limits (i.e. ass), etc.

But even after this, the communication should continue.

Even if it’s already implied that it’s alright, ask before touching someone for the first time.

Before going down on a woman, before licking an ass, before initiating intercourse, etc. A simple, “Would you like me to do this? / Do you like this?” is usually sufficient.

When it comes to orgasming, it’s good practice to give a warning before cumming in someone’s mouth, on their face, breasts, etc. When YOU about to cum ask to the partner where they would like me to do it.

Basically, the verbal communication should continue throughout the sexual process. This isn’t just to ensure consent but it’s also a way of staying connected and making sure that everyone feels full agency for what’s happening and that everyone is actively enjoying the scene.

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Observe body language

While you want to rely on clear verbal confirmation throughout each sexual engagement at a club or party, that doesn’t mean that body language should be ignored. People will put themselves in position to receive what they want. If they want to suck your cock they will put themselves on their knees with their face in proximity to your midsection or they will open their mouths and indicate for you to put it in, if they want you to fuck them they will spread their legs or angle their ass towards you, if they want you to sit on their face they will put themselves in position for this to be done.

If someone isn’t going into a position to do a particular act, it may be because they are unsure of it or simply don’t want to do it. So don’t force it. Although it usually doesn’t hurt to ask if you’d like to do something that the scene isn’t naturally progressing towards.

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Don’t get intoxicated

While play parties are often places where people are readily drinking and indulging in other types of intoxicants (mostly pot and MDMA) people getting overtly intoxicated is relatively rare and is very much looked down upon.

Play parties are different than bars. The object here is to connect with people, hang out, and have sexy experiences, not to get wasted. So the focus of the night is usually placed elsewhere beyond making trips to the bar.

However, this is something that needs to be addressed, especially for people who are new to the swing scene and are accustom to pounding back drinks in social situations.

That said, just about every respectable play party has rules against people becoming too intoxicated, and if someone is visibly stumbling around or slurring their words, they will more than likely be escorted out.

Our advice:

Know what your limits are and don’t go beyond them.

Work on becoming comfortable enough in your own skin that you don’t feel the need to cloak yourself in intoxicants.

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Don’t hesitate to call people out / report creepers

You must have to admit that this is something that I have challenges with. 

Unfortunately, this happen. 

Creepers can sometimes slip through the cracks and guardians can’t catch everything.

There is an entire layer of communication that goes on in the orgy piles that’s difficult to observe from the outside. So don’t hesitate to report people that you think should be watched a little more closely. Taking responsibility for yourself also means taking responsibility for your community.

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Go to non-play educational or recreational events and make friends

The more people you know in a given sex-positive community the safer you’re probably going to feel there.

They are social communities where people know each other, share a common interest, and have a mutual history, and while certainly a lot of anonymous sex does happen at these places, it is better to make connections and get to know the people around us.

This social aspect cannot be underestimated. These are not dump-and-go kinds of places. Generally, any given party is 80% hanging out and making new friends and 20% sex.

Getting to know your community and making yourself a regular is one of the most enjoyable aspects of swinging. It is also something that’s going to keep you safer. When people know you, they watch out for you.

Going to a sex-positive community’s non-play educational and recreational events is a good way to make connections and advance into the scene.

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